


No Place Like Home

by paperstorm



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-03
Updated: 2013-09-02
Packaged: 2017-12-25 11:48:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/952720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperstorm/pseuds/paperstorm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A sequel/timestamp for my 2012 bigbang fic <a href="http://paper-storm88.livejournal.com/44276.html">Perfect Disasters and Ever Afters</a>. A year later, Jared and Jensen go back to the cabin where it all began. Having read the original fic is not necessary.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> [](http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/818/hddp.jpg/)

Jared always wakes up first. He’s always been a morning person, since before Jensen even knew him. Before they were together, Jared would either be hammering on Jensen’s door twenty minutes before they had to leave and Jensen would have just enough time to shower and gulp down a cup of coffee, or he’d fling Jensen’s door open and bound into his room _way_ before decent people should be awake and he’d poke Jensen until he woke up. Jared isn’t very good at being alone sometimes. He gets bored, like the eternal big-little-kid that he is, and Jensen’s sleep is what suffered for it. Not that he really minded too much. He grumbled about it, because he felt like he should, but secretly Jensen liked it. Jared was, and continues to be, the kind of person who loves almost every he knows, but even back then he didn’t love _anyone_ the way he loved Jensen. It made Jensen feel like he mattered. And Jensen’s always had more insecurities than he ever let on, so Jared was good for him.  
  
Now that they sleep in the same bed, Jared still wakes up first but now he doesn’t have to go very far to wake Jensen up too. Sometimes just as Jensen starts stirring, just as the strings of consciousness start pulling him away from the depths of sleep, he feels strong arms pulling him in and soft lips kissing his forehead. Jensen was never a touchy feely guy before he met Jared, was never really into snuggling even with girls and just did it because it was part of the price of having sex with them, but Jared is the kind of person who _will_ cuddle you whether you want it or not. So Jensen’s never bothered fighting it. He just settles against Jared’s big, solid chest and lets Jared hold him close for as long as he wants. Jared is always warm and his skin smells good in that mellow, sleepy way, and it makes Jensen feel more loved than he ever has before. And in some tiny corner of his mind that’s secure enough to admit such things, he really likes it. He teases Jared about it later, calling him a girl or the world’s biggest puppy dog, but when he says it he means _I love you_ and he knows Jared sees through him. Jared always has.  
  
Today is no different than every other morning has been since things changed between them. Jensen’s floating in that cozy place between asleep and awake, half-dreaming about something yellow and blurry and indefinable, when bare skin touches his and before Jensen can make tangible sense of what’s happening, he’s in Jared’s arms and Jared’s soft, scratchy voice is whispering against the top of Jensen’s head.  
  
“Morning, baby,” he says, and Jensen smiles and groans a little.  
  
“Are you sure?”  
  
“Sure that it’s morning? Yes,” Jared answers with a quiet, rich chuckle.  
  
“We could pretend,” Jensen suggests, yawning and pushing his face into Jared’s neck to block out the light streaming in between the slightly parted curtains. “No one would have to know.”  
  
“We have a plane to catch,” Jared reminds him, and Jensen sighs.  
  
He told Jared he was okay with this – he _wants_ to be okay with this – but he’s still nervous. Jared insisted on telling his family about their relationship almost right away and Jensen was mostly alright with that. He still hasn’t _officially_ told his own parents, even though he thinks they probably suspect and are just as content as Jensen is to feign ignorance about the whole thing, but he knew how close Jared is to his family so he wouldn’t have felt right asking Jared to lie to them. The idea of going to visit them is something else entirely, though. Jensen’s met them tons of times, even spent a few Christmases and Thanksgivings with them, but that was always as Jared’s co-star and friend. Jensen knows it isn’t _really_ different to see them as Jared’s boyfriend, but in another way it’s _completely_ different and Jensen’s a little uneasy about it. But then, after they’re done with the family reunion that Jensen won’t admit he’s dreading, they’re going back to the cabin. To the place where this all began. And _that_ , Jensen is excited for. So he doesn’t gripe about it too much when Jared kisses him gently on the lips and then tugs him out of bed.  
  
It’s been almost exactly a year. That surprised Jensen when he realized it. He got an email the other day full of information about when they need to be back in Vancouver to start shooting for season six, and Jensen remembered that it was in their last week off last year that they went to the cabin the first time. It didn’t feel like a whole year. Morphing from friends to more went so smoothly, so naturally, that sometimes Jensen forgets that anything has changed at all. They were already living together and spending probably unhealthy amounts of time in each other’s company. Really, the only thing that’s changed is that now they sleep together. But then, when Jensen’s got Jared above or below him, naked skin sticky with sweat, eyes lust-blown, fevered kisses pressed desperately to swollen lips, it feels like _everything_ has changed. In the best way possible.  
  
When they wrapped up season five a couple of months ago, they went back to their house and both started packing up their things like they have every spring for the last four years. And then Jared stopped, gave Jensen a funny look, and pointed out that they didn’t actually have to leave this year. Jensen hadn’t even thought about it, but Jared was right. For the first time, there was nothing waiting for either of them in L.A. No girlfriends to spend time with, no other film-sets to spend sixteen hour days on; no reason at all for them to go back there. So they didn’t. They stayed in Vancouver, did their best to stay out of the spotlight, and spent the summer in their home with their dogs, just _living_. Being normal. It was perfect, and Jensen sort of hopes he never has to go back to L.A. ever again. He never liked it there anyway; all those plastic people with their whitened smiles and scrubbed-out souls. And nothing could top spending the summer at home with Jared.  
  
Jensen’s throwing a couple last-minute things into his suitcase when the taxi pulls up, and Jared grins at him from across the room. “This’ll be fun.”  
  
Jensen nods and doesn’t say anything in response.  
  
“You’re not freaked out, are you?” Jared asks, eyebrows tilting together.  
  
Jensen is, but he’s not going to admit it. He shakes his head, forcing a smile and going over to Jared. He tilts his head up and presses a quick kiss to the corner of Jared’s mouth. “It’s gonna be great.”  
  
____  
  
Jared makes pleasant but unimportant conversation on the plane, and Jensen manages to hold up his end of it enough to overlook his uneasiness for a bit. It’s always been like that between them. Jensen sometimes doesn’t know what to say to people, sometimes he worries it comes off like he’s trying too hard, but it’s never been like that with Jared. Since the minute they met, they’ve just been able to chat effortlessly about nothing and everything. Two weeks into their friendship, Jensen was telling Jared things he’s never told anybody before, without any trace of apprehension or fear that Jared would judge him or wouldn’t understand. To a certain extent that’s just the kind of person Jared is – he looks at you with those big, wide, thoughtful eyes like you could tell him anything and he’d still accept you – but Jensen also thinks, in his sappier moments, that it has something to do with Jared being the other half of his soul that he never knew he was looking for until he found it.  
  
By the time they land in San Antonio, hail a cab, and embark on the short journey to Jared’s childhood home, though, Jensen’s back to being nervous. He knows it doesn’t make sense. He can’t even explain to himself _why_ he’s nervous, he just knows that he is. Jared can tell, too; it’s obvious in the way he doesn’t speak during the ride and reaches over a few times to squeeze Jensen’s hand when the driver isn’t looking.  
  
Jared’s mom, in a lot of ways, is exactly like him, and Jensen’s reminded of that abruptly and overwhelmingly as she bursts out the front door as the car pulls into the driveway. She practically hauls Jared out of the backseat even though she’s a good two feet shorter than him, squeaking about how happy she is to see him and smothering him in kisses. Jensen smiles to himself. He loves his own parents, but they’re not warm like the Padaleckis are. Never have been. Jensen pays the driver and then Sherri hurries over to him next, pulling him into a tight hug and kissing his cheek and babbling words Jensen only half-listens to about how excited she is that they’re here. Jared watches them from across the car’s roof, Jensen can feel his eyes on him, and when Sherri finally lets Jensen go he looks over at Jared and finds a soft, fond smile on his face.  
  
“Come in, come in!” Sherri cries, beckoning them toward the house and then rushing back inside herself, and Jared shakes his head at her retreating form and laughs.  
  
“She’s a tornado.”  
  
“So that’s where you get it from,” Jensen says, and the smile Jared turns his way is brighter than high-beams.  
  
They lug their suitcases inside and then get accosted for a second round of exuberant greetings in the front hall – hugs from Jared’s sister and hearty handshakes from his dad and brother, and then second and third hugs from his mom. Jeff calls Jared _pipsqueak_ which Jensen inwardly finds all kinds of hilarious and definitely plans to log away for the next time Jared teases him about being the pretty one. Jensen’s used to family gatherings being much more subdued and refined, and he definitely likes this better. Especially since within minutes Sherri’s herding them all into the backyard for lunch and in all the activity, Jensen forgets to be anxious for a little while.  
  
____  
  
Jensen’s sitting in an old deck chair on the patio, full of more food than he’s maybe ever eaten in his life, watching Jared and Megan play some ridiculous form of touch football that mostly consists of Jared purposely throwing the ball over Megan’s head and her jumping on his back in retaliation. Jared looks happy and relaxed, and it makes Jensen smile. There had been meetings and emails and discussions for weeks back when he and Jared first fell into this relationship, and they all collectively decided it was better if they didn’t go _completely_ public with it – although most of the people who matter know – and Jensen knows it’s for the best but he sees how it wears on Jared sometimes, having to play pretend when they’re outside the safety of their home. He likes it when Jared gets to let loose and just be totally himself without all the complications. Some of the higher-ups have even been talking about the possibility of bringing Genevieve and Danni back into the picture, as their make-believe girlfriends, and Jensen really isn’t happy about that but he loves Jared and he’ll do whatever it takes to be with him.  
  
“So. You and Jay, huh?” a low voice asks from behind him, and Jensen turns and watches as Jeff settles into the chair next to him. There’s a strange look on his face that makes Jensen uncomfortable. Jeff is big like Jared but he doesn’t have Jared’s inherent sweetness or his goofy sense of humor, and Jensen’s always secretly been a little intimidated by him.  
  
“Yeah,” he answers, unsure of what he’s supposed to say.  
  
“I, uh ... I kinda feel like I should be giving you the whole ‘what are your intentions with my little brother’ talk like I would if you were dating Meg. But that would be weird, right?”  
  
“Kinda, I guess.” Jensen tries a small smile, and breathes an inward sigh of relief when Jeff returns it. “Is it weird for you that I’m a guy?”  
  
Jeff frowns, and then he stares at his hands for minute before he answers. “A little bit. Sorry.”  
  
“You don’t have to be. It took me a long time to be okay with it too, y’know? Longer than it should have.”  
  
Jeff nods. “It’s not like I have a problem with it. It’s just ... I never would’ve figured Jay would be into dudes, that’s all. I know you’re not all the kind that prance around in sequins or listen to Madonna or whatever, but he just ... I thought I knew him pretty well and he never seemed the type.”  
  
“I don’t think it’s really about being with a guy,” Jensen says carefully, shifting a little in his seat to hide how awkward this is. He’d thought it was odd, up until now, that the topic of the change in their relationship hadn’t come up in conversation. Everyone has just been acting like nothing is different. Now that it has, he wishes they could go back to pretending. “At least for me it isn’t. Sometimes you meet someone, and it just fits, even if it doesn’t make sense.”  
  
“Yeah. I get that. And he’s crazy about you, man. He always has been. You should’a heard him talk about you when you guys first met. It was ridiculous, he’d carry on about you like he’d met Tony Romo. Y’know, back before he sucked. So ... I guess it’s good, that you found each other.”  
  
Jensen nods. It’s better than good, but Jeff doesn’t need details.  
  
“Just, uh … be good to him, okay? I know it’s weird to do this but I’m still his big brother. It’s kinda my job.”  
  
“I’m a big brother too,” Jensen tells him. “I get it. And I will.”  
  
He’s probably just as protective of Jared as Jeff is. Jared, for all his wonderful qualities, is sometimes a little too sweet and open and trusting – he kind of assumes everyone will be exactly as nice as he is, and that giant heart gets him in trouble sometimes. Even before they were more than friends, Jensen’s always felt a little bit like he has to shield Jared from the world; to wrap him up in a blanket and protect him from ever getting hurt.  
  
“Hope everybody saved room for pie!” Sherri calls, wobbling through the sliding door with a steaming pie-plate in each hand. Jeff jumps up to help her, and Jared drops Megan unceremoniously onto the ground in his haste to jog back to the table. Megan and Sherri both squawk in outrage, Gerry bursts out laughing, and Jared shrugs sheepishly and offers simply the word, “Pie!” as an explanation. Jensen closes his eyes and shakes his head, trying not to both laugh and wonder what he’s gotten himself into by agreeing to come here.  
  
____  
  
Eventually Jensen manages to escape into the kitchen, and he leans against the counter and just breathes for a few minutes. He loves Jared’s family, but they’re all exactly like Jared – big and loud and excitable – and being around all of them at once is a little overwhelming. Especially since he can’t get rid of the uncomfortable knot in his stomach from thinking they should all be mad at him, like it’s his fault Jared’s with a man now and will probably never have the life they imagined for him. Nobody actually seems to feel that way, but Jensen still can’t shake the feeling. He feels guilty about it, like he’s taken something away from Jared that he shouldn’t have. He took Jared’s chance to be normal, to have a wife and kids and a picket fence. He thought he’d gotten over feeling that way, and he mostly had, but being around Jared’s family has made it come back.  
  
The door from the living room opens and Jensen looks up, hoping it’ll be Jared walking in, but it’s his mom instead.  
  
“Hi honey,” she says with a warm smile, setting a stack of empty plates down by the sink. “Everything okay?”  
  
It takes Jensen’s brain a second or two longer than it should to figure out what those words mean and that he should be answering them. “Oh. Yeah, everything’s fine, Mrs. Padalecki. Can I help clean up?”  
  
She gives him a hard look and ignores the offer. “Don’t you _Mrs. Padalecki_ me. You’re family. If I can’t get you to call me Mom at least go with Sherri.”  
  
Jensen manages a small smile. “Okay. Sorry.”  
  
Frowning, she steps a little closer to him and puts her hand on his forearm. “What’s wrong, Jensen?”  
  
“Is it really that obvious?” Jensen asks, cringing.  
  
“Maybe not to someone without super-mom powers,” she answers, a mischievous glint in her eye that reminds Jensen so much of Jared.  
  
He laughs a little. “I think my mom’s got those too. I, um … I don’t know. This is just kinda weird, I guess. I’ve known you all for a long time but it kinda feels like I’m meeting you as someone else now. Someone who changed your son into … well. You know.”  
  
Sherri shakes her head back and forth so quickly the knot of hair on top of it bounces. “Don’t you think that for even one second. We all adore you, you know that. We always have. The only thing that’s changed here is that now you won’t be able to get rid of us once your show is finished.”  
  
Jensen presses his lips together and doesn’t quite manage to smile. “Yeah.”  
  
“Alright, I mean, when Jared was just a kid, did I dream about him one day marrying some pretty little girl like that Sandy, and having the house full’a rugrats in the suburbs? ‘Course I did. And when I was five, I dreamed about being a princess,” she says matter-of-factly. “Dreams _change_. Nothing in life ever works out like you think it’s gonna. At the end of the day, I just want what every good mama wants. I want my baby to be happy. And you make him _so_ happy, Jensen. The way he looks at you, the way he lights up when you walk into the room, he might as well be screamin’ it from the rooftops. He loves you so much, you’d haf’ta be blind, deaf and dumb to not see that.”  
  
“I love him too,” Jensen says, his cheeks heating up just a little at admitting it out loud to someone he doesn’t know all _that_ well, but she doesn’t seem to notice.  
  
“I know you do, sweetheart. And that’s more than enough. My sweet little boy is happy, he’s healthy, he has good friends and a job he enjoys, and he is in love with someone who loves him back. What more could a mother ask for? And alright, so the love of my son’s life has a little more penis than I expected,” she adds with a grin.  
  
Jensen doesn’t mean to let the laugh burst from his throat but he can’t stop it, and then he almost chokes on it. Sherri laughs too.  
  
“That’s just details, right? Who you are as a person comes from in here.” She presses the tip of her finger into the center of his chest. “You’re everything I want for Jared, okay? So don’t worry about any of this another minute.”  
  
Jensen nods, and she smiles and then pulls him down into a warm hug.  
  
“Hey, I know he’s gorgeous, Mama, but he’s mine,” Jared’s voice rings out. Jensen feels the lingering tension in his shoulders melt away. He’s been wanting a moment alone with Jared since the second they got here. Jared grounds him, and Jensen needs that right now.  
  
Sherri giggles, pressing a quick kiss to Jensen’s cheek before pulling away and facing her son. “Didn’t I teach you to share?”  
  
Jared grins and shakes his head. “Not him.”  
  
“Oh, fine.” She waves her hands in the air, pretending to be offended and bustles out of the kitchen. “Have him all to yourself, then.”  
  
“You get all that?” Jensen asks, nodding after Jared’s mom.  
  
“Some of it. You were really worried they’d be mad at you about this?”  
  
Jensen sighs and shrugs. “A little.”  
  
Jared frowns, the corners of his mouth turning down and his forehead creasing in the middle. “Why didn’t you tell me that?” he asks, like it’s the worst thing he can possibly think of. And that, right there, is one of the reasons Jensen loves him so much. Every tiny detail is so important to Jared, especially when it’s someone he cares about in any kind of distress.  
  
“Because I knew you’d tell me I was being stupid,” Jensen answers honestly.  
  
“Not stupid,” Jared says, shaking his head. He moves in close and briefly cups Jensen’s cheek in his big palm. “Just … wrong. You have nothing to be sorry for. Yeah, you did change me, but in a good way, okay? I am a better person because I know you.”  
  
Jensen swallows to keep the swell of emotions in his chest from showing on his face. The feeling of Jared’s body right next to his is comforting, but it still somehow leaves him feeling unsteady. “Okay.”  
  
Like he always can, Jared seems to sense that Jensen needs to not be talking about this anymore, so he breaks the tension by joking, “So you have more dick than my mom thought you would.”  
  
Jensen can’t help laughing again, shaking his head and letting it fall forward. “I nearly choked on my tongue when she said that, man.”  
  
“She kinda just voices every thought that pops into her head,” Jared agrees, chuckling. “It was fucking embarrassing when I was a teenager.”  
  
“She reminds me of you,” Jensen tells him, and Jared smiles and cocks his head to the side.  
  
“Really?”  
  
“Yeah. A lot, actually.”  
  
Jared keeps smiling for a moment, but then his face sort of falls again, and there must be emotions showing through Jensen’s eyes that he’s not managing to mask, because Jared curls his hands around Jensen’s biceps, rubbing up and down them a little, and says, “What’s goin’ on, Jen?”  
  
Jensen sighs again, resigning himself to the fact that he really can’t hide anything from Jared. “I just really want this to be good. It didn’t go that well when I met Danneel’s parents. Joanna’s either. I get … I don’t know. Nervous, I guess. And then I don’t say much, and then people think I’m rude or standoffish or whatever.”  
  
“I know, babe,” Jared says softly, and Jensen knows he does. It’s something Jensen’s struggled with his whole life. He can be introverted; sometimes he disappears into his own head a little, especially when he’s not totally comfortable, and sometimes people take it the wrong way. Jared’s always understood that about him, and he’s always been there to help bring Jensen out of his shell. Another one of the many reasons Jensen loves him. “You’ve been great, okay? And they’re not meeting you, they’ve known you for five years. Besides, I love you more than anything, and they love me, so they already love you by default. So stop worrying.”  
  
Jensen smiles in spite of himself. “Okay.”  
  
“And c’mere,” Jared adds, stepping in a little closer to Jensen and sliding his arms around Jensen’s back. He pulls Jensen in, and Jensen wraps his arms around Jared’s neck and holds on tight, soaking up the warmth and comfort from Jared’s familiar embrace. Jared’s like his Zen, his _center_. Nothing ever makes Jensen feel better than being tucked up against Jared’s chest like this. He rests his forehead against Jared’s shoulder and breathes him in, lets it soothe all his insecurities.  
  
“I love you,” Jared whispers again.  
  
“Love you back,” Jensen answers.  
  
“Aww,” a female voice coos exaggeratedly from the doorway that Jensen recognizes as Megan’s, and Jared groans and snaps, “Go away, Shrimp!” without turning around or letting go of Jensen.  
  
“Asshole. Hey Jensen, you ever get tired of my dick-wad of a brother, you know where to find me!” she calls, flouncing away, and Jensen can’t help laughing.  
  
____  
  
Once the sun goes down they all sit on squishy couches and armchairs in the massive living room and play Trivial Pursuit in teams, Jared and Jensen against Jeff and Gerry, and Megan and Sherri. It’s easy and fun, everyone laughing when someone gets an answer wrong and cheering when someone gets one right. Jensen has always been surprisingly good at trivia games, random facts he’s read in articles or seen on the Discovery Channel just seem to stick in his head, and when they win Jared whoops and kisses Jensen full on the mouth in front of everyone, and it makes Jensen uncomfortable for half a second until he notices that no one seems to care. He’s not sure why he was expecting otherwise but he was, and it feels nice to know he worried for nothing.  
  
“Where am I gonna sleep?” Jensen asks later, after everyone but Megan has gone to bed, just then realizing no one’s told him that yet.  
  
Jared cocks his head to the side like he’s confused by the question. “With me.”  
  
“Don’t your parents have rules about that?”  
  
Jared smirks a little. “Yeah, when I was seventeen they did. I’m a grown-ass man, they don’t care anymore.”  
  
Megan makes a funny noise from where she’s curled up under a blanket on the couch.  
  
“Eavesdrop much?” Jared asks her, and she snorts.  
  
“How am I eavesdropping? You’re like three feet away from me.”  
  
Jared rolls his eyes and then turns back to Jensen. “You ready to head to bed?”  
  
Jensen nods. “What are we doing tomorrow?”  
  
“Don’t know.” Jared shrugs. “Probably mostly eating. It’s what we do here.”  
  
“I could get into that,” Jensen says with a laugh.  
  
“You say that now,” Megan pipes up, without lifting her head or opening her eyes. “Just wait until Momma puts you into one of her famous food-comas.”  
  
Jared stands up, and then he takes Jensen’s hand and pulls him to his feet. “‘Night, Meg.”  
  
“‘Night, Sammy,” she responds in a lilting voice, and Jensen laughs.  
  
“Hey, only Dean gets to call him that.”  
  
She looks up briefly and smirks at him. “You guys ever role-play?”  
  
“Meg! That’s sick. They’re _brothers_ , you side-show,” Jared says with a small shudder.  
  
She shrugs and closes her eyes again. “Everyone else seems to think they’re having sex.”  
  
Jared rolls his eyes and just leaves the room instead of answering her. Jensen tags along after him, still chuckling. “She’s not wrong, you know.”  
  
Jared grins at him over his shoulder before he takes off up the stairs. “Yeah. I know. I just like messing with her.”  
  
____  
  
It isn’t the first time Jensen’s been in Jared’s childhood bedroom, but it is the first time he’s been here as Jared’s boyfriend – even if it still feels strange sometimes to think of himself as that. He takes in the _Green Day_ and _Nine Inch Nails_ posters; the pictures of a skinny, baby-faced Jared with his siblings or friends Jensen doesn’t recognize; the athletic trophies and art projects. They’re all pieces of a version of Jared that Jensen never knew, and being in this room makes Jensen feel closer to him somehow.  
  
“I was a loser,” Jared says, smiling and shaking his head as he pushes a collection of polished rocks to the side to make room on the desk for his suitcase.  
  
Jensen sets his own down on the floor. “Wasn’t everybody a loser in high school?”  
  
“Yes. Completely.”  
  
“I would’a been your friend,” Jensen tells him, and Jared’s eyes sparkle.  
  
“We wouldn’t have been in the same school at the same time. Old man.”  
  
Jensen huffs and rolls his eyes. “Oh that’s nice.”  
  
Jared laughs, and he takes a few sauntering steps towards Jensen and slides his arms slowly around Jensen’s waist. “Such a cradle robber,” he teases.  
  
“It’d have to be the world’s biggest cradle to fit you in it. Gigantor,” Jensen returns.  
  
“You callin’ me fat?” Jared asks, taking pretend offence.  
  
“Only if you’re callin’ me old.”  
  
“Hmm,” Jared hums, and leans down to trail the tip of his nose along Jensen’s cheek. “Never. Way too fuckin’ sexy to be old. Although, when you hit, like, forty, we may have to have a conversation.”  
  
Jensen smacks Jared on the arm. “Jerk,” he mutters. “You, uh, you think we’ll still be together when I’m forty?” It’s almost ten years from now, and Jensen’s always had trouble looking that far into the future.  
  
“I think we’ll still be together when you’re eighty. I keep telling you you’re stuck with me, remember?”  
  
Jensen rolls his eyes again, but Jared’s words make him happy right down to his core. He turns his head enough to capture Jared’s lips in a deep kiss, lingering for just a moment before he moves away. He pulls his sweater over his head, folding it up neatly and placing it in his bag, laughing to himself as Jared unbuttons and shrugs out of his plaid shirt and then just lets it fall to the ground and leaves it there. Exactly the same as at their place in Vancouver. Everything Jensen owns is folded, filed, stacked in baskets; and most of the things Jared owns just get dropped wherever he happens to be standing when he’s finished with them. Jensen unbuttons his jeans but then he hesitates on the zipper, something else just occurring to him.  
  
“Is, uh, is anybody gonna come in?”  
  
“Come in where?”  
  
“In here. I, um. I kinda didn’t think to pack pajamas.”  
  
Jared snickers. “Well that’s very convenient.”  
  
“Shut up, I’m serious,” Jensen groans. “Do you have some sweats or something I can borrow?”  
  
“Yes. But you don’t need them, no one’s gonna just walk in without knocking. And there are blankets on the bed, you know.”  
  
“Yeah, if you don’t hog them all.”  
  
“Guess you’ll just hafta keep me warm, then I won’t need to,” Jared says with a wink.  
  
He strips down to his boxer-briefs and bounces into his bed like a little kid, and Jensen does the same and then joins him. He pulls the sheet up over himself and gets comfy, smiling a little when he notices the glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling. He had some of those when he was a kid too. They’re probably still there, now that he thinks about it, stuck to the drywall in his old bedroom.  
  
“So. I spent I don’t even know how many nights sleeping in this bed all alone, hundreds over the years, and now there’s a totally hot, mostly-naked person in here with me,” Jared muses, grinning over at Jensen. “I so wish I could go back in time and tell fifteen-year-old me this was gonna happen. The masturbating little fucker would be so psyched.”  
  
The laugh bubbles up out of Jensen beyond his control, and it fills him with warmth right down to his toes. “You’re such a dork,” he says, shaking his head at Jared fondly.  
  
“But you love me.”  
  
Jensen smiles at him. “Yeah. I do.”  
  
Jared reaches down and takes Jensen’s hand, bringing it up to his lips and kissing the back of it. Then he rolls over onto his side, facing Jensen, and Jensen does the same.  
  
“Thank you for coming here with me,” Jared says, sincerity shining in his warm hazel eyes. He trails his fingers down Jensen’s ribs as he speaks. “It really means a lot to me that you’re here, and that you care so much that my family likes you. Which they do, by the way.”  
  
“I like them too.” Jensen slides his palm up Jared’s big arm, letting it settle on the side of his neck. “This is cheesy, but you and me, it just … it feels right, y’know? And being here feels right too.”  
  
Jared smiles. “Yeah. I know.”  
  
He shifts in a little closer and kisses Jensen, warm and soft and gentle, and it’s slow and lazy and Jensen gets lost in it.  
  
“Guess we can’t really do anything,” he says regretfully. Being this close to Jared, feeling Jared’s warmth and inhaling his scent, always has Jensen itching for more.  
  
Jared shrugs a little. “Maybe not everything, but we could do _something_. ‘Long as you’re quiet.”  
  
Jensen grins and pokes him. “You’re the noisy one.”  
  
“Mm, can’t help it.” Jared kisses Jensen again and shuffles in just a little bit closer. “Way too hot for your own good.”  
  
Jensen pushes himself forward, into Jared and then on top of him, kissing him hard and deep in a way that has them both inhaling quickly through their noses to keep up with the sudden intensity. That familiar feeling of want and heat and affection surges up in Jensen’s chest, with strength it only ever has with Jared, reminding Jensen he made the right choice a year ago when he decided not to let his own fear control him anymore. It was the best decision he ever made, throwing caution and rationality to the wind and letting Jared kiss him in the middle of the street under the pour of salty Vancouver rain. Jensen licks at Jared’s lips and then dips his tongue inside when Jared opens for him, finding Jared’s own tongue and swirling them together. Jared’s big hands drag slowly up Jensen’s back, the two of them spread out touching almost the whole span of Jensen’s ribcage, making him feel small and protected. Jared’s hands keep moving up, one finally landing around the back of Jensen’s neck and the other sliding up into his hair.  
  
Jared kisses like he does everything else. He dives into it with the determined enthusiasm of a puppy eager to please, but at the same time Jensen feels every brush of lips right down to his bones, as if Jared’s trying to seal their souls together. Jensen doesn’t know if that’s even possible, or if souls even exist, but he’d be okay with it if it were.  
  
“We can’t …” Jared begins, but then he trails off on a soft moan when Jensen rocks down into him and goes back to digging his fingernails into Jensen’s back.  
  
Jensen ignores him for a minute or two, just pressing warm, wet kisses into Jared’s soft lips and grinding his hips slowly into Jared’s until they’re both hard.  
  
“Can’t what?” he asks eventually, really hoping Jared hasn’t changed his mind since Jensen’s already dizzy with how much he wants him.  
  
“Can’t get jizz on the sheets,” Jared answers with a sheepish grin that makes Jensen laugh.  
  
“That’s what you’re worried about?”  
  
“Well, ‘cause then my mom would know. That we …”  
  
He doesn’t finish the thought but Jensen knows what he means. For just a split-second, about the space of a blink, Jensen’s a little bit hurt by that. That Jared wants them to hide. But then Jensen sees the want in Jared’s eyes, feels the warmth of the hand he slides over Jensen’s cheek, and realizes Jared isn’t trying to hide them at all. He just doesn’t want his poor mother to have to clean up after them.  
  
Jensen smiles at him, placing another soft kiss to his lips and rolling his hips down again. “Just this, then. Come’ll land between our stomachs.”  
  
Jared hums and pulls Jensen down for a kiss that’s intense again like before, and murmurs, “So sexy when you’re all logical.”  
  
Jensen chuckles again and shakes his head fondly. He reluctantly rolls off Jared so he can shimmy out of his boxers, and Jared does the same. Jensen finishes first, and without thinking about it he spits into his hand and spreads it over his hard cock, breath catching a little at his own touch. When he looks up, Jared’s watching him with dark eyes and a slightly open mouth, and Jensen frowns.  
  
“What?”  
  
“That was hot,” Jared answers with a grin, and Jensen returns it.  
  
He tilts his head to the side sharply, a _come here_ motion, and Jared crawls on top of him and settles with his body slotted against Jensen’s. For a moment, Jensen just brushes Jared’s bangs out of his eyes and looks up at him, finds all the answers to every question he’s ever had in Jared’s eyes. He lifts his legs up, wrapping them around Jared’s waist and pushing Jared’s ass down a little with his heel, and Jared leans down to kiss him again as he starts to move. It’s still just slightly too dry where Jared’s cock rubs against Jensen’s but the heat and friction is perfect, and Jensen sighs happily and grips a handful of Jared’s hair to angle his head and deepen the kiss. He keeps it slow but still passionate as Jared’s hips speed up, rutting down into Jensen and stirring tingles of pleasure deep in Jensen’s gut. Jared’s firm stomach brushes against the sensitive head of Jensen’s cock, and Jensen can never get enough of all the different ways Jared makes him feel this amazing.  
  
When it’s over, Jared slides off so he’s not completely on top of Jensen anymore, but he keeps his face buried in Jensen’s neck for a few minutes while their heartbeats slow back down. Jensen closes his eyes and trails his fingertips lightly up and down Jared’s sweat-damp back, basking in the haze and the warmth and the knowledge that Jared loves him. Eventually Jared gets up, quickly throws a pair of sweats on so he can leave the room, and comes back a minute later with a wet washcloth. He ditches the pants before he climbs back onto the bed, wiping down Jensen’s stomach while Jensen watches, and then his own. He tosses the cloth to the floor, and then for a moment he just looks down at Jensen with something indefinable in his eyes.  
  
“What?” Jensen asks again, reaching for him.  
  
Jared shakes his head and lets Jensen pull him back in, dragging the sheet and quilt up over them as he lies down with his head pillowed on Jensen’s chest. “I just …”  
  
“Me too,” Jensen says softly.  
  
“You don’t know what I was gonna say.”  
  
“Doesn’t matter. It’s still me-too.”  
  
Jared smiles, Jensen can feel his cheek move where it’s resting just below his collarbone. “What if I was gonna say, like, I like the smell of rotten eggs, or something?”  
  
Jensen chuckles tiredly and wraps Jared up in his arms. “Well then I guess I’d take it back.”  
  
“I was gonna say I love you,” Jared tells him, and Jensen smiles and closes his eyes, burying his nose into Jared’s hair and inhaling the smell of his shampoo.  
  
“Then I don’t need to.”  
  
____  
  
Jensen wakes up slowly, not opening his eyes right away and savoring not having an alarm blaring obnoxiously in his ear. There’s light streaming in through the window, he can tell even through his closed eyelids, but he's not sure what time it is. If left to his own devices Jensen would sleep until noon every day of his life, but Jared doesn’t usually let Jensen sleep very late even on their days off. Jensen hopes today will be the exception to that rule, though, because he’s so warm and comfortable and he really doesn’t want to have to move. Maybe ever. He can feel Jared behind him, his bare chest pressed up against Jensen’s back, soft puffs of breath tickling the back of Jensen’s neck, one heavy arm resting across Jensen’s middle. When they first got together, Jensen wasn’t crazy about the idea of being the little spoon, but he got over that pretty quickly because Jared doesn’t cuddle by permission only, and because there aren’t many things in his life that feel better than having Jared wrapped around him like this.  
  
It’s maybe another twenty minutes before Jensen feels his boyfriend stir, which is unusual for them but Jensen was more than happy to just lie here in the early-morning silence with Jared’s warm body against his.  
  
“How’d you sleep?” Jared asks in a barely-there whisper, like he, too, is afraid to break the spell.  
  
“Good,” Jensen whispers back. “It’s not so bad, really, being used as a teddy bear.”  
  
Jared chuckles, the sound deep and rich and scratchy from sleep, and it slides down Jensen’s spine like melted sugar. “You ready to get outta here? Go back to the middle of nowhere where we can be as loud as the-hell we want?”  
  
Jensen grins and chews at his bottom lip for a moment before he answers. He’s had a really good time with Jared’s family, so he doesn’t want to say he _is_ ready to leave and make it seem like he hasn’t. But it’s been four days and Jensen’s longing for some time alone with Jared before they have to go back to being Sam and Dean; spending sixteen hours a day with dozens of eyes on them and pretending for all intents and purposes that they _don’t_ wake up together mostly-naked every morning.  
  
“It’s okay,” Jensen says softly, reading Jensen’s mind. “I love them, but I’m ready to leave too. Wanna get you all to myself for a while.”  
  
Jensen rolls over in Jared’s arms so he can see him, and nods. “Yeah. Me too.” He kisses the tip of Jared’s nose and then his bottom lip, and Jared snuggles into him and makes Jensen forget the rest of the world exists for just a little bit longer.


	2. Chapter 2

The flight to Bozeman is a lot more relaxing than the one to San Antonio was. Jensen tries to read but Jared gets bored and doesn’t really let him, so they talk and quietly run lines from the scripts they’d been sent last week and play games of hangman on napkins. Jared chooses nothing but words like _undescended testicle_ and _nipple clamps_ in an attempt to make Jensen laugh and embarrass himself in front of the stranger sitting next to him. The girl across the aisle recognizes them, especially once they start rehearsing and calling each other Sam and Dean in hushed voices, and she makes funny high-pitched noises and says _ohmagod_ way too many times, but Jared chats with her for a couple of minutes because he’s sweet like that. She asks why they’re going to Montana, and Jared spins a passable lie about a friend they’re visiting before filming starts. Because they’re coming from Texas, where the world knows they both grew up, she seems to buy it. Jensen secretly crosses his fingers that they won’t end up all over the gossip sites tomorrow over it, but he’s not too worried.  
  
When they land and shuffle off with the rest of the passengers to baggage-claim, the memories of standing in this exact spot a year ago wash over Jensen. He remembers it happening but it’s like something out of somebody else’s life. He feels almost no connection to the person who stood here last year, waiting for Jared to come down that flight of stairs, so they could embark on a week at a cabin together as best friends but nothing more. It’s surreal, because while Jensen remembers there being a time when he wasn’t in love with Jared, he doesn’t remember _himself_ without loving Jared. Almost like he didn’t quite exist until Jared loved him.  
  
They’re in public so they have to be careful about what they say and how close they stand, but Jared nonchalantly reaches over and squeezes Jensen’s hand a few times when nobody is looking while they wait for their suitcases. Then they go pick up Jared’s dogs – a P.A. named Jane from the show agreed to watch them while Jared and Jensen were in Texas and then send them to Bozeman – and then they rent a Jeep just like last year and set off. It’s exactly the same as twelve months ago; Jensen in the driver’s seat, Jared next to him, and the excited dogs in the back; but this time, instead of talking about how their respective relationships had either failed or were currently fail _ing_ , Jared just pats Jensen’s thigh and smiles at him and doesn’t say anything. Jensen thinks it’s about a million times better.  
  
The cabin is the same. Jensen isn’t sure why he wasn’t completely expecting it would be, but he wasn’t, and it’s a welcome relief. It’s exactly how he remembers it, with the wooden furniture and the stuffed animal heads with their glassy, unjudging eyes and the seemingly endless windows. The forest is still quiet and serene, the lake is still beautiful and still looks freezing; and Jensen’s pretty sure Jared’s going to make them go swimming in it anyway like he did last time. He ended up okay with it before since there were kisses and touches and wet skin to make him forget about the temperature, so this time Jensen probably won’t protest too much.  
  
Jared’s uncharacteristically quiet as they unload the truck, haul the groceries and everything else into the kitchen, and Jensen doesn’t say anything about it because he thinks maybe Jared’s just absorbing it all like he is. Jensen feels it too – how important this place is to them. He knows what it means, and it’s miles more than just some restaurant where they had their first date. He lets the dogs out onto the front lawn while Jared starts up the stairs with his bag, and Jensen grabs his own heavy black suitcase and follows him up. Jared just stops when they get to the top of the stairs, staring at the bed closer to the bathroom, where they had sex for the first time. Jensen drops his bag on the other bed, then goes back for Jared’s and puts it there too, and then when Jared’s still just standing there with a pensive expression on his face, Jensen moves in behind him and cups Jared’s hips in his hands.  
  
“You okay?” he asks, kissing Jared’s shoulder.  
  
“Yeah,” Jared answers softly. “It’s … I don’t know. I didn’t think being here again would be so …”  
  
“Overwhelming?” Jensen suggests, and Jared nods and leans back against him slightly. Jensen wraps his arms around Jared’s waist and takes his weight, resting his mouth against the back of Jared’s shoulder where he kissed it.  
  
“This is our ground zero, you know? The first time we did … _everything_ , is in that bed. This is where everything changed.”  
  
“For the better?” Jensen asks hopefully, and then Jared turns around in his arms and leans down to kiss him gently.  
  
“Definitely. Can’t imagine my life without you in it.”  
  
“Good. Neither can I.”  
  
____  
  
“C’mon! Bring it back, baby!” Jared calls, clapping his hands.  
  
Jensen looks over his shoulder at his boyfriend playing with their dogs on the lawn. He threw what Jensen thinks is a tennis ball for Sadie, and it looks like she ran after it and is now refusing to play the part of the game where she returns it to Jared. Harley’s off to Jared’s left, chasing a squirrel from tree-trunk to tree-trunk, and then attempting to climb up one after it and barking indignantly when he can’t. Jensen smiles and turns back to the lake, casting off the dock again with a fishing rod from the shed. It’s really old and a little rusty, probably has been here since the cabin was built, but it still serves its purpose. Jensen hasn’t caught anything yet, but it’s relaxing; the rhythm of casting and reeling in with the comforting, familiar sounds of Jared and the dogs in the background.  
  
There’s mist floating just off the smooth, glassy surface of the lake. It smells good here, too. Fresh and clean, without the scents of exhaust fumes and pollution and sweat hanging in the air like in the city. It reminds Jensen of being a kid in Richardson, or of weekends on his grandparent’s farm. Like the last time they were here, Jensen is soothed by the sense of tranquility he feels here. Like nothing in the world matters or even exists here except him and Jared. After a while, he thinks he can feel eyes on him, so Jensen glances over his shoulder again to find Jared watching him, momentarily abandoning the task of getting the ball back from the free-thinking Sadie. Jensen smiles at him and blows a kiss into the air, and Jared makes a big production of watching it float over, jumping to catch it, and then shoving it down the front of his pants. Jensen cracks up, and Jared grins like he’s pleased with himself.  
  
When Jensen tosses the lure into the water again and reels it in slowly, he feels something tug on the line. At first he thinks it’s a weed, or a snag, but then the rod jerks and Jensen realizes it’s a fish. He tries to remember what his dad taught him as a kid, to tug the rod so the hook sticks and then reel in quickly but evenly so the fish can’t get away. He watches the water, and after a few moments, something flashes in it and Jensen lifts the line out of the lake to reveal a silvery fish, maybe a foot long, that he thinks might be a trout. He uses an ancient pair of pliers to jar the hook loose from its lip, and then tosses it into the bucket he’d filled with water earlier. He watches it swim in circles in the foot of water, feeling both sorry for the fish and proud of himself for catching one.  
  
“Hey! I will wrestle you if I have to, you mangy – ” Jared’s voice rings out, followed by a loud _oof_ and a thump, and Jensen looks back just in time to watch Sadie pounce on Jared and knock him down to the ground. “Okay, okay! I surrender!” Jared cries, and she stands triumphantly on his chest and drops the slobbery tennis ball right onto his face.  
  
Jensen laughs again, and then it slips into an affectionate smile as he watches Sadie settle down to her belly on Jared’s chest and tuck her head under his chin. Jared wraps his arms around her and kisses the top of her head, whispering something to her that Jensen can’t hear. Harley goes over to them, probably annoyed that he’s missing out on the cuddle, so Jared tugs him onto the pile too.  
  
Jensen’s maybe never loved him more than he does in that moment.  
  
____  
  
Jensen ends up catching two more fish, similar enough in appearance to the first one for him to decide they’re the same breed. It’s enough for a meal, even though he’s never actually cooked a trout before. If trout is what they are, anyway, of which Jensen’s only about 75% sure. He finds what he assumes is a filleting knife in the tackle-box from the shed, and stares down at the three squirming fish in the bucket with more apprehension than he’d like to admit. Other than the raccoon he accidentally ran over with his car when he was sixteen, Jensen’s never actually killed anything before. Anything more significant than a mosquito, anyway. And he cried for almost an hour when he hit that raccoon. He works up the courage, though, by reminding himself that he’s from Texas and that being an actor and being in a long-term committed relationship with another guy should definitely not stop him from being a man.  
  
He picks the first one up by the gill, like he remembers being shown as a kid, lays it on the dock, and pushes the knife through its eye before he loses the nerve. It’s gruesome, and Jensen sort of feels like a murderer, but he gets over it enough to do the other two and then it’s over and there’s a slight sense of pride there too.  
  
His dad showed him how to fillet, but that was a million years ago and Jensen struggles to remember it. He makes a bit of a mess of the first one, forgetting the exact technique of holding it down while he strips the skin off and separates the ribs from the meat, but he gets the hang of it and impresses himself with the second two. Then he rinses the fillets off in the lake and tosses the bones, guts, and heads into the lake where a turtle or another fish will make a meal of them.  
  
“ _What_ are you doing?” Jared’s voice asks suddenly, startling Jensen.  
  
He turns around, holding the fresh fillets in one hand and a bloody knife in the other, and Jensen didn’t notice until right now but his shirt is covered in blood too. “Um … providing for us?”  
  
Jared stares at him like he just grew a couple extra heads, and then smiles like he’s halfway between awed and worried Jensen’s lost his mind. “Did that used to be a _fish_?” he asks, gesturing toward the pinkish strips of meat in Jensen’s hand. “Like a real, alive fish?”  
  
“Actually it used to be three.”  
  
“Dude.”  
  
“What?” Jensen asks, only slightly defensive.  
  
“Dude! You’re like … fuckin’, Grizzly Adams.”  
  
Jensen laughs. “I have no idea how to train a bear.”  
  
“I mean you’re all manly and shit! If I was starving and someone handed me a live fish, I’d still be hungry.”  
  
“Not gonna deny it, I guess,” Jensen says with a shrug, wincing when Harley jogs down after his dad and starts sniffing at the remnants of dead fish on the dock. “Gross, Harley, don’t.”  
  
“It’s kinda sexy,” Jared tells him, with a grin. “I mean, it smells like a dumpster down here. But also sexy.”  
  
Jensen smiles back at him. He tosses the knife into the empty bucket and rubs the back of his free hand over an itch on his chin, remembering too late about the blood and smearing some of it on his face. He wrinkles his nose and starts toward the cabin. “I’m gonna go wash this crime-scene off, then you wanna start on supper?”  
  
Jared trails after him. “You planning on cooking those?”  
  
“Planning on trying. I don’t really know how, but I guess it’s probably not that different than salmon.”  
  
“Wait.”  
  
Jensen stops and turns to look at him, and Jared crowds into his space, swoops down and kisses him. “I’m covered in fish guts,” Jensen protests, but Jared just chuckles and keeps brushing his lips against Jensen’s.  
  
“Don’t care.”  
  
“Well if that’s not true love, I don’t know what is,” Jensen jokes.  
  
“I’m covered in dog-slobber. You care about that?”  
  
Jensen pretends to think about it for a minute, and then wraps his free arm around Jared’s neck and pulls him back in. “Nope.”  
  
____  
  
Jensen sprinkles a made-up bouquet of spices onto the fillets and broils them, while Jared makes a salad and this potato, carrot, and rosemary dish that Jensen’s crazy about. Jensen is only cautiously optimistic, and takes a couple steaks out of the freezer just in case, but the fish turns out really good. They eat on the patio and drink Jared’s favorite red wine, and it’s easy and fun and comfortable. It’s like being together in their home in Vancouver only twice as good, because here there isn’t anything to distract them from each other. There are no lines to learn or parts to play; not just as their characters but also as _themselves_ , when they have to go out into the world and pretend they aren’t in love. Jensen understands the necessity for it, but it wears on him sometimes. Here, all he needs to think about is Jared’s smile, the sound of his laugh, the sparkle in his eyes.  
  
They wash the dishes in comfortable silence, punctured every couple of minutes by a snuffle from Harley as he naps on the couch, and then they go back down to the dock to watch the sunset. Jared is gorgeous bathed in dimming orange and pink light, so they miss most of it. Sitting side by side on the end of the dock with their feet in the cool water, Jensen remembers this spot is where he kissed Jared for the first time. Technically, it was the second time, but Jensen considers it the first because he doesn’t remember much about the actual first one. He remembers being so terrified it would ruin them, and now that’s all just a scratchy memory as he slowly slides his lips against Jared’s and soaks up the sense of _belonging_ he never knew before Jared.  
  
“Can I take you upstairs?” Jared asks eventually, in a soft, reverent voice.  
  
Jensen nods, and lets Jared pull him to his feet. He kisses Jared one more time before they go, his arms wrapped tightly around Jared’s neck, suspended in the warmth of Jared’s arms for just a little while longer. Then Jared takes his hand and leads him back to the cabin, past the kitchen and to the old, rickety staircase. He kisses Jensen again at the base of them, and the gently pulls Jensen up the one flight to the loft.  
  
“So, I, um. I thought we could … try something,” Jensen begins hesitantly, pressing kisses to Jared’s mouth as he pushes Jared backwards toward the bed and fights with the buttons on Jared’s shirt. “Something different.”  
  
“I’m not putting on a school-girl uniform,” Jared says dryly, although Jensen can hear the smile on his face.  
  
Jensen chuckles nervously. “Not quite what I had in mind.” He gets the last of the buttons undone and pushes Jared’s shirt to the ground, and Jared slides his hands under the hem of Jensen’s hoodie and shoves it up Jensen’s chest and off over his head. He starts on the fly of Jensen’s jeans next, and Jensen does the same.  
  
“Want me to spank you with a ping-pong paddle and call you by a girl’s name?” Jared asks, an even bigger smile on his face now, and Jensen both laughs and rolls his eyes.  
  
“Dude, gross. What kind of porn have you been watching?’  
  
“All the kinds.”  
  
Jensen shakes his head fondly. He pushes Jared’s pants down and off, followed by his underwear, and then he nudges a naked Jared back onto the bed. Jensen rids himself of his own jeans, and then he goes over to his bag to get the bottle of lube and the bag from the store he’s still embarrassed to have been in.  
  
“What is that?” Jared asks, eyeing the brown paper bag somewhat apprehensively.  
  
“Something I bought,” Jensen answers, trying to grin like he’s confident about this even though he’s a little nervous Jared’s going to think this is stupid and weird.  
  
Jensen goes over to the bed and sits beside Jared, and Jared says, “Like a toy, you mean.”  
  
He doesn’t sound either upset or excited, sort of somewhere in the middle, which Jensen takes as a good sign because that’s kind of how he feels about the whole thing too. He says, “Yeah,” and pulls it out for Jared to see. It’s still weird looking, which is the same thing Jensen thought in the store. It’s lime green, about six inches long, smooth, and curved up at the end with all these little soft, rubbery bumps. Jared’s eyes widen as he looks at it, and Jensen really, _really_ hopes this isn’t going to completely backfire. It very easily could, and this is supposed to be their special, annual trip. Jensen would never forgive himself if he ruined it.  
  
For a moment, Jared doesn’t say anything. He takes the thing from Jensen and examines it, running the pad of his finger over the bumpy part like he’s confused by it. Jensen was too, at first, but the guy who worked at the shop promised him the thing feels awesome. Jensen believed him, because the guy definitely looked like the kind of person who’d probably tried out every single toy in the whole store, with his tattoos and spiky purple mohawk and stretched out earlobes.  
  
“Why is it green?” Jared asked eventually.  
  
“Because the flesh-colored ones freaked me out,” Jensen answers honestly. “They were too realistic, looked like an actual chopped-off dick.”  
  
Jared chuckles just a little at that, and Jensen takes that as another good sign.  
  
“Some of them even had balls,” he adds. “I have no idea why.”  
  
At that, Jared outright laughs, and Jensen relaxes a little because Jared’s laugh is beautiful. Always has been. He looks over at Jensen with his eyes dancing and crinkled at the edges.  
  
“So you … you’re not weirded out?” Jensen asks tentatively. “‘Cause it’s just something I thought might be fun, but we don’t have to.”  
  
Jared shakes his head and leans in to kiss Jensen. “I definitely want to.”  
  
“Are you sure? I won’t be, like, offended or something if you say no.”  
  
“I’m sure.”  
  
Jensen smiles and kisses him back, losing his way in it for a few minutes. Kissing Jared is one of Jensen’s favorite things. He gently pushes Jared back; Jared gets onto his elbows and then shuffles up the bed while Jensen crawls after him doing his best to keep their lips attached. He hovers over Jared, licking along the insides of his mouth, while he one-handedly flips the top on the bottle open and pours lube over his fingers. He trails them down Jared’s chest, lightly pinching a nipple and dipping his pinky into Jared’s belly button, but bypasses his cock and goes right for the puckered opening behind his balls. Jensen pets against it while Jared kisses him breathless, eventually pushing just the tip of one finger in and moving it in a small circle.  
  
He slides his finger all the way in after a moment, twisting it and crooking the first knuckle to pass over the spot that makes Jared sigh happily. Arousal washes over Jensen at the sound.  
  
“More,” Jared says, impatient as always, and Jensen isn’t really in the mood for teasing either so he obliges. He slides his finger out and pushes back in with two, spreading them apart and getting Jared’s tight channel stretched out. Jared kisses him so deeply Jensen thinks he loses brain-cells over it, and he works slowly up to three fingers until Jared’s moaning and rocking down against Jensen’s hand. “So good.”  
  
“Ready?” Jensen asks, still a little unsure about all this even though Jared said he wanted it. Now that Jensen thinks of it, he really should have let Jared do this to him first. So he could test it out, make sure it feels good, before he subjects Jared to it.  
  
Jared, like he always can, seems to know what Jensen’s thinking, and he cups Jensen’s face in his hand and kisses him gently. “I promise I’ll tell you if I don’t like it. Okay?”  
  
Jensen nods, swallows, and sits up to grab the toy from the foot of the bed. He pours a generous amount of lube over it, spreading it around with his fingers, and then he lines it up with Jared’s entrance uncertainly, trying to remember everything the salesman told him about how to do this properly. Jensen pushes it slowly into Jared, slow and shallow at first to let him get used to it, watching Jared’s face intently for any sign that he isn’t enjoying it. Jared’s eyebrows fold just slightly into a frown, and Jensen asks, “How is it?”  
  
“Weird,” Jared answers, and Jensen frowns too.  
  
“Bad, weird?”  
  
Jared shakes his head quickly. “No, just … different. ‘Cause it’s cold, I guess.”  
  
Jensen leans down and kisses him, still sliding the toy in deeper and searching for the spot that will make Jared forget the unfamiliarity of the intrusion. He knows he hits it when Jared grunts softly and brings a hand up to squeeze Jensen’s shoulder. Jensen smiles and does it again, pressing into it and then pumping the toy in and out a few times to hit it a little harder.  
  
“Whoa,” Jared says like he surprised.  
  
“Better?”  
  
“I … yeah. Fuck.” Jared laughs shakily and blinks up at him, his eyes darkened and lips slightly parted.  
  
Jensen dips down to spread kisses along Jared’s neck. “The, um. The guy at the place said the little spiky things are awesome if you …” He pushes the toy in all the way so the curved tip is pressed against Jared’s prostate and then rolls it from side to side like the salesman showed him, and tries desperately to focus on the devastatingly gorgoues sound of Jared’s resulting moan instead of how completely mortifying it was to be in a sex-toy store with an overly-enthusiastic twenty-year-old employee giving him a demonstration at the counter.  
  
“Holy _shit_ ,” Jared breathes, twitching and digging his fingernails into Jensen’s back, and Jensen decides his embarrassment two weeks ago was totally worth it.  
  
“Yeah?” he asks, with a self-satisfied smile, still dragging his lips up toward Jared’s ear.  
  
Jared moans again, louder this time, as Jensen pushes harder against his prostate. “Fuck yeah. You _have_ to show me how to do this to you later. So … uh.”  
  
Whatever he was going to say dissolves into a funny noise halfway between a groan and a sigh as Jensen starts fucking the toy into him again, making sure to hit his prostate on every thrust even as his hand gets tired. He starts moving down Jared’s chest, kissing and licking at the warm skin as he goes.  
  
“Think you can come just on this?” Jensen asks, right before taking Jared’s nipple between his teeth and tugging on it.  
  
Jared chokes on the word, “Yeah,” and starts rocking down minutely against Jensen’s hand and the toy. He keeps one hand in Jensen’s hair as Jensen moves away, like he wants to stay anchored to him.  
  
“S’what I wanted when I bought it,” Jensen tells him as he licks over Jared’s abs, possibly more turned on than he’s even been over how hot Jared is like this. “Wanted to do this for so long. Watch you fall apart without even being touched. The way you always react when I hit it, with my fingers or with my cock, fuck, so hot, Jay. Drives me crazy.”  
  
“Jensen,” Jared practically whimpers, and Jensen has to close his eyes for a moment. He loves the noises Jared makes, the way Jared says his name like it means everything.  
  
Jensen pushes the toy in on a particularly hard thrust, and then he leaves it there, grinding the knobbed tip against Jared’s sweet spot and dying a little inside at how sexy Jared’s resulting moan is. Jensen inches down just a little more so he’s face to face with Jared’s cock, and he blows on it but doesn’t touch it, and Jared cries out harshly and comes. Jensen watches with his heart thudding against his chest as Jared’s angry red cock twitches and spits out ropes of pearly white come onto his heaving, rippled stomach. Jensen keeps sliding the toy in and out of Jared’s body while Jared grunts and his dick dribbles out the last of its release, waiting until Jared’s breathing has returned to normal before he gently pulls the dildo out of him and tosses it to the floor. He looks up and finds Jared with one arm thrown over his eyes and his lips parted as he breathes.  
  
Jensen’s own erection still throbs and his mind has gone fuzzy with how hot that was. He crawls slowly back up the bed and lies down beside Jared, pulling his boyfriend’s lax body into his arms and kissing him slowly. Jared kisses back for a moment, and then he giggles.  
  
Jensen smiles too. “What’s funny?”  
  
“Nothing. That was awesome,” Jared answers, with another happy laugh.  
  
“Good.”  
  
“You want …?” Jared asks, blinking those puppy-eyes up at Jensen, and gesturing down to Jensen’s crotch. Jensen smiles even more and kisses him again.  
  
“When you’re ready.”  
  
“Already got mine, remember?” Jared nips at Jensen’s bottom lip. “C’mon. Want you to.”  
  
Jensen nods, twisting to look behind himself for the discarded bottle of lube. When he finds it, he turns back to Jared. “Guess you don’t need, uh,” he waggles his fingers in the air instead of saying it, and Jared just raises an eyebrow. “Right. Didn’t think so.”  
  
Jensen pushes himself up to his knees and starts slicking up his too-long-ignored cock. He stares down at Jared as he does, the long line of his muscles, all that smooth, tanned skin, his big arms, his abs covered in his own come, his cock still not soft where it’s resting against his abdomen. He’s beautiful, and Jensen’s still not sure what he ever did to deserve everything he has with Jared.  
  
“What?” Jared asks with a curious frown.  
  
Jensen shakes his head. “You’re just … so fuckin’ gorgeous, Jare. Hard to believe you’re mine, sometimes.”  
  
Jared smiles a little and reaches for Jensen. Jensen crawls on top of him, his knees in between Jared’s spread thighs, and leans down to kiss him. Jared wraps his long legs around Jensen’s waist, and Jensen lines his cock up and pushes it into Jared’s loosened hole. Even still it’s tight, and Jensen’s eyes flutter closed on a moan as he slides all the way inside in one smooth, slow thrust. Jared makes a muffled noise in his throat when Jensen’s balls bump against his ass, and Jensen knows that feeling. He loves feeling filled up like that just as much as he loves his aching cock sheathed in Jared’s tight heat.  
  
“You okay?” he asks in a strained voice, finding it hard to keep still now that he’s buried inside Jared and his muscles are all screaming at him to move.  
  
“Yeah.” Jared rolls his hips a little so Jensen sinks in an inch deeper, and Jensen moans again and dips down to kiss him as he starts to rock.  
  
For a while, he keeps it slow. Leisurely, deliberate thrusts that have the pleasure burning unhurriedly in his gut. Jared has his arms wrapped around Jensen’s back too, almost clinging to him, and he moves with Jensen in the same easy, familiar way they have been for the last year. Physically it’s good but it’s comforting, too, because Jensen knows it all so well. Knows every breathless noise Jared makes, knows to push his stomach down to rub against Jared’s cock, knows the taste of his lips and the feel of their tongues together and the way it makes him shiver when Jared kisses him until they can’t breathe. Jared’s heel pushes against Jensen’s ass, urging him to move faster, but Jensen doesn’t. Not yet. For long enough that he loses track of time, Jensen just swirls his tongue around Jared’s and rocks into him, slow and steady and loving. He likes it when they _fuck_ , when it’s all teeth and hard thrusts and sharp moans, but he likes it like this too.  
  
“Jen,” Jared whispers, his voice rough and fucked out.  
  
Jensen doesn’t answer him in favor of ducking his head down to drag his teeth along Jared’s heavily-muscled shoulder. He bites him gently, just to hear Jared hiss, and then soothes over the sting with his tongue.  
  
“Wish we … mmm,” Jared moans, deep and low, when Jensen suddenly thrusts into him a little harder and obviously nails his prostate, “ … never had to stop.”  
  
“Me too.”  
  
Jared clenches his muscles around Jensen’s cock and then he’s the one moaning, light-headed at the squeeze and the bursts of arousal it sends along his nerves. Eventually Jared gets impatient, and he lets one leg drop down to plant his foot on the mattress and flip them over, somehow managing to end up sitting on Jensen’s lap with Jensen’s cock still deep inside him. He winks at Jensen, and then he makes a show of fucking himself on Jensen’s rock-hard dick and palming his own.  
  
“Fuck,” Jensen mutters, letting his eyes fall closed for just a moment but then forcing them open again so he can watch. The play of Jared’s muscles under his skin, the veins in his forearms as he strokes his cock, the way sweat drips down his temples and his messy hair falls into his eyes. He stares right at Jensen, and electricity crackles between them like it always does. Mixed up with the friction and the wet slide of Jensen’s cock in and out of Jared’s tight body, and Jensen doesn’t stand a chance. He reaches forward with one shaky hand and wraps his fingers around the head of Jared’s cock, wanting them to come together, but then he can’t hold it back. Pleasure hotter than fire overwhelms him, and Jensen’s eyes slam closed with the force of it. His whole body shakes, and somewhere behind the bliss Jensen can feel Jared kissing his eyelids, so he wraps his arms around Jared’s shoulders and just holds on as the world spins.  
  
When Jensen opens his eyes again, Jared’s lying on his side pressed up along Jensen’s body, his head lowered and his lips pressing soft kisses to the skin above Jensen’s collarbone. Jensen can feel Jared’s hard cock against his hip, and he wants to do something about it but he can’t quite move yet. He lifts up one heavy arm to push his fingers into Jared’s hair, and Jared looks up at him and smiles shyly before leaning forward to slide their lips together.  
  
Jensen gets lost in it for a moment, and then he murmurs, “Sorry, man. Left you hangin’.”  
  
Jared shakes his head, his nose bumping against Jensen’s. He pulls back enough to see Jensen’s face, propped up on one elbow, and brings his free had up to trace the pad of his thumb over Jensen’s bottom lip. “Wanted it like that. Wanted to watch you. So goddamn sexy when you come, Jen.”  
  
Jensen’s chest flares with warmth and he can’t help smiling. It always happens when Jared says shit like that, and it’s a little stupid because Jensen _isn’t_ a thirteen year old girl; he shouldn’t get all fluttery inside when the boy he likes calls him pretty. But he does.  
  
Finally he feels like if his brain told his limbs to move they would listen, and he gently pushes Jared onto his back and crawls sluggishly down his sculpted body.  
  
“Jensen,” Jared says, in quiet protest, like he doesn’t want his lingering erection to cause Jensen any bother. It’s so _Jared_ that it makes Jensen smile again.  
  
“Shh,” he whispers, kissing and nipping at Jared’s hipbones, the tops of his thigh where the soft hairs tickle Jensen’s lips, his inner thigh where the skin is so sensitive it makes Jared sigh and laugh a little at the same time. Jensen licks over his balls, drawing one into his mouth and then the other, and Jared spreads his legs open to give Jensen more room. Jensen scoops a hand under one of Jared’s knees and pushes it up, motioning for Jared to hold it there, and then the other one. The angle isn’t perfect but he manages to get his face close enough to the mattress to lick at Jared’s slick, swollen hole, tasting Jared and the come leaking out of him that Jensen put there.  
  
“Fuck,” Jared breathes, as Jensen smoothes the flat of his tongue over the loose opening and then pushes it inside. The blend of flavors, of him and Jared mixed together, is intoxicating, and so filthy it has Jensen’s own cock twitching again in half-hearted interest. “Jensen,” Jared says again, sounding much more on-edge this time, and like he can’t take any more teasing. Jensen realizes he’s probably been hard for a long time at this point, so he lifts his head up and abandons Jared’s hole for his cock; picking it up in his hand and letting the head slide into his mouth.  
  
He swirls his tongue in circles around the head, letting saliva dribble down the shaft to slick the way for his hand to stoke it. Jensen looks up to find Jared watching him, swallowing thickly and breathing shallowly, and Jensen winks at him before he relaxes his jaw and lets Jared slip into his throat.  
  
“Son of a _bitch_ ,” Jared mutters, groaning like he’s dying. Jensen hums around his mouthful because Jared likes that. It only takes a couple of hard sucks and a few purposeful twists of his wrist and Jared comes on Jensen’s tongue. He swallows it hastily, milking Jared through the orgasm, and licks Jared clean like he’s a popsicle after it’s over. Jared’s grabbing at him after a minute, half pushing Jensen off his sensitive cock and half pulling him back up the bed, and Jensen goes willingly and lets Jared wrap him up in horizontal hug. He always feels about two feet tall encircled in Jared’s big arms, but in a really, _really_ good way.  
  
“I love you,” Jared whispers.  
  
“I know,” Jensen tells him, smiling.  
  
“You don’t know how much, though.” Jared’s face is so serious, like it’s suddenly really important to him that Jensen understands. “‘Cause words aren’t enough to explain it.”  
  
Jensen frowns, something warm and intense gripping tight around his windpipe. He leans forward and kisses Jared, just a barely-there brush of lips, and murmurs, “I’m never gonna figure out what I did to deserve you loving me that much.”  
  
“Everything,” Jared answers, and even though Jensen isn’t entirely certain what he means by that, somehow he still understands.  
  
“And I do know,” Jensen adds, sliding his hand up to cup Jared’s cheek and brushing his thumb over the skin under Jared’s eye. “I love you back just as much.”  
  
____  
  
Jensen wakes up the next morning to the smell of coffee and bacon wafting up from the floor below. He opens his eyes blearily, and finds Sadie sitting next to him in the bed instead of Jared – which isn’t surprising since Jared’s clearly in the kitchen. Jensen stretches, and closes his eyes for just another minute, letting himself wake up slowly. Then he feels a wet nose against his cheek, and he shivers involuntarily, and then chuckles and groans.  
  
“Well you know how to kill a guy’s buzz,” he tells her, squinting at her through one eye.  
  
She just sits there and stares at him, momentarily looking behind herself in the direction of the stairs and then turning back to Jensen like she’s unamused.  
  
“Guess we shouldn’t let him do all the work,” Jensen agrees. He reaches out and scratches behind her ear, and she leans down and licks his cheek. “You have the best daddy in the world,” Jensen whispers to her, and he swears before she jumps down off the bed, she fixes him with a look that communicates _duh_ as clearly as if she’d spoken it.  
  
Jensen pulls a clean pair of underwear on, followed by the jeans he’d left on the floor last night. He leaves his chest and feet bare because Jared always says he loves that look on Jensen. He brushes his teeth and half-heartedly runs a hand through his messy hair, and then he follows Sadie down the stairs. Jared’s standing over the stove with his back to them, in loose-fitting sweats and also bare-chested, and Jensen takes a second to appreciate the work of art that is his boyfriend’s muscular back. Sadie trots over to Jared and rubs her face against his knee, and Jared bends down to pat her.  
  
“That’s my girl,” he tells her lovingly, and then he turns to Jensen and says, “I told her to wake you up.”  
  
Jensen blinks. “You – really?”  
  
“Yep. I said ‘Sadie, go get Jensen’, and she did.” Jared shakes his head and goes back to flipping bacon. “I swear, she’s smarter than some humans I know.”  
  
Jensen shakes his head too, and he watches as Sadie wanders back into the living room and nudges Harley with her head until he gets up and reluctantly starts playing with her.  
  
“Hungry?” Jared asks, pouring Jensen a cup of coffee and handing it to him with a soft smile on his face.  
  
“Yeah. You’re the best.” Jensen takes a sip of it and sighs happily.  
  
Jared’s grin widens and he shrugs. “I know.”  
  
He goes back to tending to the food. Jensen sets the mug down on the counter and follows him, sliding his arms around Jared’s thin waist. “I mean it. The absolute best. Ever.”  
  
Jared turns in Jensen’s arms and drapes his own over Jensen’s shoulders. “‘Cause I made you breakfast?”  
  
“Well, that. Plus, like, a billion other things.”  
  
The smile on Jared’s face is so beautiful it nearly takes Jensen’s breath away. He dips down and kisses Jensen, slow and sweet.  
  
“The eggs are gonna burn,” Jensen says, against Jared’s lips.  
  
Jared shrugs again, and keeps kissing him. “Worth it.”


End file.
